christmas cards are a struggle for me. the picture below was on the front of ours this year.
i love the picture. love love love it
but i feel like it's a bit deceiving....
that day, i was mean. i made the kids and shad wear clothes they didn't want to wear. shad didn't want to wear a pink shirt. kate wanted the flower on top of her head, not on the side. tanner didn't want his shirt tucked in. elle didn't want to be held. she wanted to run around a play.
shad and i had an argument on the way to the shoot and weren't really speaking to each other.
we don't look like this normally. shad does, for work. but the kids and i....not even close. kate's hair normally has lots of rats in it. both kids choose their own clothes. that means an array of colorful clothes. mostly dirty clothes, because if they really want a certain shirt, and it's in the dirty clothes, who cares. right? often it's the same outfit they wore the day before, slept in, and kept on the next day. dirty faces, snotty noses and bare feet are the norm here. i am usually in my pjs or workout clothes until late afternoon. not because i'm lazy, but i am doing dishes, holding elle while she eats, and cooking. i'm normally a shade or two lighter...i don't remember exactly, but i'm sure i slathered on a bunch of fake tanning lotion that day to cover up my white body.
is that just the way christmas cards are supposed to be? not real?
sometimes i feel like blogging is sort of like that. we put forth our best selves. for lots of reasons....do we really want to remember all the crap? do we want to air our dirty laundry (not literally...metaphorically) for the world to see?
and then there's the a different side to the coin. we are blessed. we live in america, i have 3 healthy kids and a husband, i'm able to stay at home full-time, i know my savior, i have a roof over my head and food on the table.
i should never, ever complain. right?
it stresses me out.
i've gone through phases where when i look at other's blogs, i feel crappy about myself. knowing that it has nothing to do with how lovely their life may seem to be, but that i feel insecure as a mother, wife and daughter of god at that time. i compare, and realize as hard as i try, i won't ever measure up. no one can, when we compare our whole selves to every one else's best self.
i guess it's been on my mind a lot.
you never really know how you appear to others. but the last thing i ever want to appear is that we have a perfect family. we are so far from it.
in the behind the scenes of every "picture perfect moment" on here, is a tantrum. screaming, yelling and crying. the "picture perfect moment" is there too, but is often a fleeting moment.
i do cook crazy healthy recipes. and my kids do eat them. but they also eat costco pizza and doughnuts every saturday morning. kate had pretzels for breakfast this morning. and right now tanner is sneaking the girls starbursts that he got in a good bag at school last friday.
i try to look nice, wear clean clothes, and have make-up on. but most of the time, i'm in my pjs (dirty from cooking and cleaning) or work-out clothes (sweaty and stinky). i often have make-up on, but it was put on the previous day and then slept on. i've had three kids, i have a tummy, mom arms, varicose viens and huge dark circles under my eyes (i wear concealer. always. if i don't without a doubt i get asked, "oh my gosh! what happened to your face?).
i love staying home with my kids. but....often, i'm super frustrated. elle throws fits all the time, tanner is starting to talk-back and argue, and kate is completely verbally abusive to me (i know i shouldn't put up with it...i try my best). the three of them try to talk to me at the same time. all the time. to the point where i want to scream "shut-up and leave me alone!" i don't aloud, but i do in my head.
usually kind words come out of my mouth. but i swear. every day. a swear word or two slip from my mouth. i gossip. i try not to. i do it anyway. and then i feel guilty.
if you live locally and come over to my "clean" home, remember that i've picked up shortly before you arrived. it doesn't always look clean. and that i didn't clean it all on my own. i have a helper, named "blanca".
and there are other things. personal things. things that should not be put on a blog.
every single family has problems. every person has struggles. we just can't see them sometimes.
i know i'm all over the place with the post. hopefully i'm making sense. maybe i'm the only one who struggles with blogs and christmas cards.
shad and i had an argument on the way to the shoot and weren't really speaking to each other.
we don't look like this normally. shad does, for work. but the kids and i....not even close. kate's hair normally has lots of rats in it. both kids choose their own clothes. that means an array of colorful clothes. mostly dirty clothes, because if they really want a certain shirt, and it's in the dirty clothes, who cares. right? often it's the same outfit they wore the day before, slept in, and kept on the next day. dirty faces, snotty noses and bare feet are the norm here. i am usually in my pjs or workout clothes until late afternoon. not because i'm lazy, but i am doing dishes, holding elle while she eats, and cooking. i'm normally a shade or two lighter...i don't remember exactly, but i'm sure i slathered on a bunch of fake tanning lotion that day to cover up my white body.
is that just the way christmas cards are supposed to be? not real?
sometimes i feel like blogging is sort of like that. we put forth our best selves. for lots of reasons....do we really want to remember all the crap? do we want to air our dirty laundry (not literally...metaphorically) for the world to see?
and then there's the a different side to the coin. we are blessed. we live in america, i have 3 healthy kids and a husband, i'm able to stay at home full-time, i know my savior, i have a roof over my head and food on the table.
i should never, ever complain. right?
it stresses me out.
i've gone through phases where when i look at other's blogs, i feel crappy about myself. knowing that it has nothing to do with how lovely their life may seem to be, but that i feel insecure as a mother, wife and daughter of god at that time. i compare, and realize as hard as i try, i won't ever measure up. no one can, when we compare our whole selves to every one else's best self.
i guess it's been on my mind a lot.
you never really know how you appear to others. but the last thing i ever want to appear is that we have a perfect family. we are so far from it.
in the behind the scenes of every "picture perfect moment" on here, is a tantrum. screaming, yelling and crying. the "picture perfect moment" is there too, but is often a fleeting moment.
i do cook crazy healthy recipes. and my kids do eat them. but they also eat costco pizza and doughnuts every saturday morning. kate had pretzels for breakfast this morning. and right now tanner is sneaking the girls starbursts that he got in a good bag at school last friday.
i try to look nice, wear clean clothes, and have make-up on. but most of the time, i'm in my pjs (dirty from cooking and cleaning) or work-out clothes (sweaty and stinky). i often have make-up on, but it was put on the previous day and then slept on. i've had three kids, i have a tummy, mom arms, varicose viens and huge dark circles under my eyes (i wear concealer. always. if i don't without a doubt i get asked, "oh my gosh! what happened to your face?).
i love staying home with my kids. but....often, i'm super frustrated. elle throws fits all the time, tanner is starting to talk-back and argue, and kate is completely verbally abusive to me (i know i shouldn't put up with it...i try my best). the three of them try to talk to me at the same time. all the time. to the point where i want to scream "shut-up and leave me alone!" i don't aloud, but i do in my head.
usually kind words come out of my mouth. but i swear. every day. a swear word or two slip from my mouth. i gossip. i try not to. i do it anyway. and then i feel guilty.
if you live locally and come over to my "clean" home, remember that i've picked up shortly before you arrived. it doesn't always look clean. and that i didn't clean it all on my own. i have a helper, named "blanca".
and there are other things. personal things. things that should not be put on a blog.
every single family has problems. every person has struggles. we just can't see them sometimes.
i know i'm all over the place with the post. hopefully i'm making sense. maybe i'm the only one who struggles with blogs and christmas cards.
22 comments:
Uhh your not the only one who struggles! I'm wondering if you read the same blog that you love and i have a love/hate relationship with. You know? Anyway...she kind of set a picture perfect scene. Made me think, "ugh...why aren't WE like that?"...but I think you are totally right- and that you aren't alone in having those behind the scenes things. Like...seriously...no family is as picture perfect as most of these blogs portray. Everyone is blessed, and everyone has trials. It's just part of life. Blogs/christmas cards can be hard cause they don't often show the trials. And when they RARELY do, they have this rose colored spin on it that makes a person look like they are so grateful and just handling it so well...even though they probably have a lot of days when its the hardest ever and they don't know how much longer they can take it. It's refreshing to me to hear you talk about how you and Shad might fight about totally ridiculous things, like a shirt. Cause sometimes I wonder if I'm the only crazy out there that makes such a big deal of things...then later I'm like, "what was the point? was that even worth it?". I dunno. It's kinda an ongoing battle I think...with not taking a person at the face value of their blog...and then comparing them to yourself. So hard. I love you soo much! Good post.
Favorite post ever. This morning I about lost it because my kids were whining about breakfast (which is the meal we usually get through with no whining). I'm pregnant and tired, and when I DO get the strength to cook dinner, 2 out of the 3 people I'm feeding complain about it. Well today I had apparently had enough and I have been feeling guilty all morning for getting so mad about it. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I know, not only from reading your blog, but because I know you, that you are a fantastic mom and wife. I'm glad to know that you have bad days, snotty nosed-kids, swear and eat costco pizza. It makes me feel better that I have and do all those things too.
Your family is gorgeous. I hope you guys have a very Merry Christmas!!!
I love that you mad Shad wear a pink shirt.
christmas cards : I was reading your article and found very useful & helpful for those guys who wanna know about the same, I would like to read more in future!
I love you! Seriously you are not the only one who feels this way. This is why I haven't really blogged since last January. {nor sent out Christmas cards this year.} But when I do my "photo-a-day" it is more for me. Not to show only good things, but it's about counting my blessings. If I didn't, I would be so ungrateful and unhappy. I remember my grandma saying when I was a teenager that women need women. At the time with all my guy friends, I thought she was crazy and old. :) But the older I get, I understand what she meant. As women and sisters, we need to be each other's cheering section. We understand {or should understand} each other better than anyone. We should be helping each other to be better mothers, wives, daughters. And when we're not at our best we need to be giving each other hugs and encouragement and understanding. You kids and husband are lucky to have you.
i dont have a blog but I completely feel the same way you do. I just had my third baby a week ago. I already feel so overwhelmed and pray everyday that I am being a good mother and wife. It can be so hard to be a parent sometimes. Thank you for this blog it always encourages me and make me smile.
I remember the first time someone said I was perfect. I think I laughed and then she said she was serious. I said you're nuts, I am far from perfect. She said in all seriousness that she didn't believe me. I was horrified. The last thing on earth I wanted was to make people feel guilty. I did live by a perfect person, Lynette Lewis. I know her kids and husband weren't perfect, but I will always believe she is. I loved her and was grateful to be her neighbor, but i also wished so badly I could be like her. I hated the fact that there must be people that thought I was perfect. I vowed from then on to not hurry and make my house perfect when people were coming over to give me something. I made sure people saw me looking normal, I made sure to mention my shortcomings. It always has and will frustrate your dad, but I can't handle the thought that someone would feel bad because I appear perfect. I know it still happens but I just know I can only be me and let people work out there own lives. I'm not perfect at that, but I am a lot better at it than I used to be. So that would be my message to you it gets better, the older we get the more secure we get. We still worry too much about what others think, but it gets a little less every year. I look forward to the day I never compare. I love you and you are an amazing mom, in-spite of the fact that your are mortal and therefore will make mistakes!
oh and I love the pic, and you all do look like that at times and even if your clothes aren't always like that, you are a happy family most of the time! love you!!
aah, I'm glad you are not perfect. It makes me feel better. Every time I see your family I get jealous of your many talents (your photography skills, cooking skills, decorating... etc) and jealous of how beautiful you all are. I am in my grubby not even cute work out clothes most of the day... and I was starting to feel guilty that no one else did that!
Oh, Lizzie! If you were trying to help others that thought you were perfect feel better cool, but if you were ragging on yourself I just want to know that I love you and think you and your family and your problems are great. :) I hate it when I complain, because it is usually something stupid that is a temporary problem. Then I think about the people out there without houses or families and the kids who aren't getting Christmas presents this year and I think, "Man, I need to stop being such a snob and be grateful for my wonderfully spoiled life." Then I think that none of us are perfect to make myself feel better. I'm just rambling on, but anyway, you are not the only one that struggles. I love you. :)
You are not the only one that struggles with any of the above. I think you typed what many of us are feeling...I know I read it going- wow...that sounds like me, and my family, and how our life goes at times. Love you picture, love your blog!
If I think someone is perfect, I usually just don't know them very well yet! LOL. I think you are amazing and talented, but what I most admire is that you are a good person, trying to do what's right. When I get people's Christmas cards I try to imagine what is really going on... hahaha. My favorite card from a friend one year had 3 out of 4 of her kids crying. It was awesome. (and btw, my husband and i were in a fight in our pictures too, but you'd never know it!!!! )
Dear Lizzie,
I read your blog because I LOVE your mother and your grandmother :-) and consequently, I love you...even though we hardly know each other. I love knowing about your family through your blog. It is beautiful. It is OK that I only see most of your wonderful qualities. I agree with Sharon, as we get older it is easier to compare less, but unfortunately most of us still do it. I do not compare myself to you but sometimes I am envious of your talents and how I perceive your life. But I am old enough and have had enough experience to know that if I knew you better I would see the places where you struggle too. It is normal for all of us to struggle or we wouldn't be here, right??? Those who are REALLY perfect are translated...they aren't here, so logically by default, those of us left here cannot be perfect. Wouldn't your dad have loved that thought?!! I love him too!
Thanks for posting your feelings. All of us have them at one time or another. It is nice to know we are all normal! And I always correct people when they think I am perfect....I usually say something like, if you lived at my house you would know better.
Just know that some of those things you struggle with will also go away as you get older. You'll do better and be better and someday you'll look back on your life and wonder how you got there. And then you'll reread your posts and remember how hard the journey was at the time.
Here is my blog address: www.carinanddrew.blogspot.com Feel free to wander around and see how imperfect the rest of us are too. Or maybe you will think we are perfect. Then you can remember the words of Pres. Uchtdorf in General RS Meeting this year: God knows those who you think are perfect really are not, or something like that :-) Love you! Hang in there. And Merry Christmas!
First of all, the pic is ADORABLE. Secondly, don't worry about what anybody else thinks of you. You're a great mom with a great family... and it's ok if you aren't perfect. Even if you make it look that way. :)
And finally, I'm so glad I discovered that you're blogging again! I have to tell you I found it out in the funniest way. A friend of mine posted a baby headband tutorial on Pinterest and the picture looked very familiar to me. Lo and behold, I open it up and it's your blog. :) I'm so happy!
Great post.
Everything you said is true. I used to have a problem with it. I would ask myself, is it lying to put a smile on my face, when I'm not really happy? Is it lying to laugh at someone's joke that isn't funny, but you're still happy they tried? Is it lying to mostly post the good stuff on your blog. After a lot of thought, I decided that I don't think it's lying at all. For me, I just like being happy, and trying to help others feel happy.
I just like the fact that people blog at all, or send Christmas cards at all. I used to "compare lives" at first, but now I don't. I just enjoy people. I'm happy for them and their talents. There are so many amazing women. Sure, the good stuff is highlighted, but that's fine with me. If it's a front completely, well, that's their choice.
PS, I still think it's amazing that you got this picture at all. That's A LOT of work to get everyone looking so stinkin' cute! Not that's it's hard for you guys to look cute, but ya know, getting everyone neat and put together, with outfits that compliment and people smiling etc. I hope this hasn't sounded stupid. lol.
Your post made complete sense and I have felt this way for years as I have blogged. I have a high school friend that only posts the rosey things in life. She makes life come across as so perfect for her family. I am sure that they have trials like the rest of us, however it drives me bonkers. It makes her out as not real. I try my hardest to post the good, bad and ugly. The real life me and what my family is experiencing. Those are the things that I want to remember down the road. I was reading a few really, really old posts the other day and loved remembering those random moments. I so wish we lived closer. Our kids would have a blast together and we could compare our dirty spots on our lazy clothes.
This is probably the best blogpost I have read !! Love your authenticity !! Keep being real !!!
I saw that christmas card at my moms house this weekend and thought how pretty the card is. I guess unrealistic christmas cards are just a part of christmas... A lot of things about christmas are fake but we do our best to make them appear real.
What a nice post
I just clicked over from lillie's (we were friends at BYU) because of the wheat bread recipe for that I begged for on instagram and read this post...I really like you already!
the picture is beautiful, the words are unpretentious and real and you have a pretty family with moments that make up who you guys clearly are in the photo above.
I hope it is still hanging big in your home. Thanks for the recipe too - can't wait to try it!
Haha, I sat here and cried while I read that. I've felt like the biggest mess lately, and even more of a horrible mom.
You are incredible! Really miss you guys.
It's kinda funny, because this is how I feel when I go to someone's house and they instantly apologize for their "messy house" even when it isn't messy. It drives me crazy. I mean seriously, isn't everyone's house messy? Why do we have to pretend that it's not? And it makes me feel like I can't have people over if my house is messy. Blogs haven't ever stressed me out. I guess I just assume everything you said. I don't think anyone is perfect. And it seems everytime I do, I eventually see a flaw down the road and I realize they're normal, just like. Don't feel pressure. You're great. Maybe I downplay everything to a bad point, but I guess I don't feel bad because I compare myself to the low lifes of the world and I come up smelling like roses. This is how my mind works, and I don't know, maybe it's not good enough- but it keeps me from feeling bad on a regular basis . . .
I'm a bad Mom, I'd rather watch tv than hang out with Scarlet- You aren't beating her, you're feeding her, she's healthy- that means you're great.
I haven't read my scriptures in a week, I've been watching grey's anatomy all day instead of keeping the sabbath- some people haven't been to church in a year, you have a temple recommend and you've gone this year- it doesn't get better than this!
Back and forth. I AM always trying to improve, otherwise I wouldn't recommend this method. But seriously, if you think about how the REST of the world is, like the AVERAGE Mom works FULL TIME, puts her kids in DAY CARE and feeds them McDonalds. I'm guessing you have FHE every week, and you make good, conscious decisions about your kids EVERYDAY. That is a fulfilled life, no matter how much kids may complain or throw fits. It's just them being kids. And you're human. No one is perfect all the time or even half the time. We just do our best and it's honestly always enough. I LOVE YOU. Stop feeling bad. FEEL GREAT. Because seriously you are. Being great has nothing to do with stinky sweats or fresh makeup. It's everything else.
Lizzie,
I don't really know how else to contact you, so I'm doing it this way and hope you see it. I want to apologize to you. Our freshman year, I swear I felt "less than" all of you beautiful ladies. You were gorgeous, talented, smart, popular, etc. etc. I blamed my "less than" feelings on you guys and put distance between us...mostly, because I didn't like feeling crappy about myself. It's been 13 years, and all of those feelings are SO long gone. I have grown so much. I wish I could go back and be a better friend to you and Darcy and Marie. I wish, I wish. But I can't. All I can do is tell you that I'm sorry that I compared myself to you back then. I'm sorry I wasn't as friendly and helpful and open as I could have been. I'm sorry that I was so selfish and self-absorbed.
Thanks for this post. Been there. Done all of that. Like the other people who've posted here, it's always nice to know that you're not alone in being a little mom-crazy from time to time.
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